NLP and State Management in Conflict Resolution
For the last 24 hours or so I have been suffering from a really dreadful bug. Fever, hacking cough – all the usual stuff. As a result my mood has been vile. Let me tell you a little bit about how that relates to a concept from NLP.
In NLP we say that mind and body are an interlinked system. Any change in the mind will impact upon the body and vice versa. This really shouldn’t come as any great surprise – except perhaps to the medical profession!
As a result of my recent physical suffering my mental and emotional state has been testy, to say the least, and I have noticed it – as have others. Small frustrations, ambiguous situations, even simple courtesy from other people that has occupied more of my time and attention than I feel able to give at the moment has tested my patience to the absolute limit. In other words – the meaning and interpretation that I have placed upon the communications and interactions of others has been subjectively altered significantly by my physical state; and altered in a way that has not been useful.
Well, that’s what happens when you are sick, you might say. No-one will hold a few harsh words against you. Point taken and I am sure that is the case but let’s look further. If we know that one’s subjective physical experience is likely to have a powerful effect upon how we process, interpret and respond to communications from others can this principle be usefully applied in other situations? I suggest it can.
Recently, I taught a course on Dealing with Difficult People. A certain number of the principles on that course are also covered on our Conflict Resolution Skills training. An important focus on those courses (and many of our other trainings) is the interactional nature of relationships – good and bad. Relationships elicit communication loops where one person communicates with another, the other interprets the communication and responds and so on and so forth. We have a process of reciprocal influence. Sometimes this works smoothly and productive outcomes emerge. In cases where there are strained relationships or active conflict, however, the situation can be different.
In the latter case, as soon as we enter into an interaction with the other person, we are likely to experience a change in state – physiological arousal – through stress, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration or whatever. Due to these heightened physical states (just as I experienced while battling the disabling symptoms of flu) our perception of, interpretation of and response to ambiguous or neutral statements by others is much more likely to be biased towards perceiving hostility, aggression and other negative traits. If such a subjective interpretation leads us to respond defensively or with a ‘pre-emptive strike’ so to speak, the likelihood of the situation escalating is self-evident.
So what can we do about this? Well, one of the fundamental skills in NLP is what we call State Management. On our NLP Training you can learn to manage, control and select physical and mental states that will give you optimal choice and control, rather than being a helpless puppet-on-a-string and hostage to your own automatic responses.
The possibilities offered for developing more harmonious relationships and moving beyond conflict are exciting.
Tags: conflict resolution, empowering states, interrupting non-productive states, managing conflict in the workplace, NLP, state
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