Leadership Strategies and the ‘Home-Work” Connection
I’m delighted to introduce Sylvia Lafair, who is providing our blog post today…
Dr. Sylvia Lafair, Award Winning Author, Leadership Educator, Workplace Relationship Expert, Executive Coach for over 30 years is an authority on leadership and workplace relationships. She is President of Creative Energy Options, Inc.
Visit www.ceoptions.com and www.sylvialafair.com .
When Jake showed up for work he was ready for an argument. It didn’t take much to push his upset button. It happened when his admin asked him if he had the dates for the off -site she needed to schedule. He stormed out to get coffee saying in a tense and deliberate voice “I’ll get you the dates when I have time.” She shrugged wondering what had set him off. She worried that she had offended him; yet, the question was valid and needed an answer.
When he returned he told her he was leaving for the rest of the day, that he would call in later. She asked if he was upset with her and he gave his traditional “I don’t want to talk about it.”
This type of behavior happens in offices around the globe.
We like to think of ourselves as rational people, yet the fact is when stress hits the hot button we all react, often without thinking about where the behavior originated. We get upset and angry with each other finding reasons to defend, explain, and justify our behavior and most of us simply don’t want to talk about it.
It would be great if we could all leave our upsets, hurts, annoyances, feelings of martyrdom, of not being good enough at the office door and just do our work. Most of us do put on a neutral face and keep going until the stress bubbles over and we flail out at the first person or situation in front of us.
There is an old joke that is sadly so true: At a business dinner the senior sales rep, under great pressure to produce, leans over toward the vice president of sales who has been requesting better numbers and blurts out “I hate your guts you big shot jerk.” The table is stunned and silent. The sales rep, in a quiet voice says “Sorry, what I really meant to say is please pass the salt and pepper.”!
It is crucial for each of us to learn how to “practice safe stress”. It takes some real effort to look at ourselves and be responsible for our behavior. When we are in overload there is a natural tendency to fall back on old ways of responding that are emotionally laden and sometimes horrendously counterproductive.
We all learned how to respond to tension and challenges in our original organization, the family. It is here that the behavior patterns were formed we bring into our present organization at work. So, if you or your co-workers are “acting like babies” you are right!
The big question is what to do when conflicts and office politics show up. And the big answer is to have in place methods to communicate rather than to stay with the standard “I don’t want to talk about it”.
Next time you feel you are pushed to the wall and can’t tolerate any more demands on you take a “safe stress break.” Go into a quiet room, or take a walk. This is a time for self reflection, not finding people who will side with you against the “bad guys”. Look at the patterns at play, the tendency to be a victim, a martyr, a rebel, an avoider, and the rest you can find in “Don’t Bring It to Work”.
Think about your childhood and note how the present situation mirrors the way you handled difficult times as a kid. Often we really do play out at work the same parent-child, sibling, and invisible roles that were developed in that long ago past family of our youth.
By taking the time to understand and work on the ingrained patterns of the past, you open yourself up to opportunities and ways of being you never considered before. Learn how to limit the ugly moments of emotions gone astray and be assured that greater productivity and success are in your future.
Dr. Sylvia Lafair, Award Winning Author, Leadership Educator, Workplace Relationship Expert, Executive Coach for over 30 years is an authority on leadership and workplace relationships. She is President of Creative Energy Options, Inc. Visit www.ceoptions.com and www.sylvialafair.com .
Her book “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” is published by Jossey-Bass. It is the first book to explore what happens when patterns originally created to cope with family conflicts are unleashed in the workplace.
Sylvia has also written numerous articles for trade publications and national magazines and has been quoted and reviewed by the New York Times and Wall Street Journal (among others). Her book has also been reviewed by a number of magazines, blogs and book sites – including reviews by CIO.Com and Time.Com (and many more).
You can buy a copy of Sylvia’s book “Don’t Bring It To Work” here.
Tags: behaviour patterns, conflict, Don't Bring It To Work, Pattern Aware Leadership, productivity and success, stress, Sylvia Lafair
Share